Hi there to everyone, from me, a fellow wanderer, a curious and old soul.
I have been looking for a magical community for a few years now, made a bit more challenging due to the impending pandemic which has our world in its grip currently (; , yet all good things shall appear in time. And today it seems, was that time. I can clearly see why it would be thus as well.
I have travelled through lots of thickets and bramblebushes to this comfortable, black chair, where I now compose this in way of introduction. And in many ways I am doing the dark work finally now. Have been doing it way before i knew it was "a thing", truly, from intuitive following of the guides which clearly never left me.
It is encouraging however, in some ways, to have some labels to my difficulties and snaggs which kept me in this harrowing and infuriating and also defeating cicle. The black ink on white paper of unravelling and understanding, the fact that I realize many others have dealt with this and are on their way to become healthy and well, it is encouraging. I don't have to really explain that on the other side of the coin it is also so very daunting. To see those things on paper and just to realize "I am a bit more cracked than originally assumed" (; But since in the tradition of broken pottery fixing "Kintsukuroi", which mends the pieces with gold and in this way creates beautiful masterpieces of art, I am not terirbly worried, only aware that in order to become I must also invest into myself the time and love and energy and manifestation to heal, to difragmantize myself into one cohesive being once more.
So this is where you find me, I am on this intense journey of healing. Of having way more questions than answers, of being tickled about anything and everything I learn and realize that - OH!!! I ALREADY FELT THAT IN MY SOUL! I DID THIS NATURALLY ALREADY!- and just being in awe of how wonderful simplicity is, how I personally revel in the stillness and solitude of nature, the crunching of snow and twigs underfoot, the brushing of the wind on my face, the crackling of blazing embers and the flickering of firey tongues, licking on wood and as I have always known - the soothing mumble of water and pitter-patter of rain on window and roof.
The silly rituals of little squirrels and the deer and stags that play by my window, the goofy turkeys gobbling and puffing up their feathers and the birds flying and being industrious in eating, building and staying warm - and of course! Singing. The simple joy of creating a wonderful scent in a candlelight diffuser, or a particularly perfect cup of tea, or to see your plants are growing well and outgrowing their pots. To feel the crackling energy in your palms and feet and coursing through your entire being and to look forward to the future for the first time. Those are all gifts I am trying to treasure. I am in my thirties by the way, and I feel in many ways my life is just beginning, all though of course this is not true - it is just that I feel free for the first time, free to make choices outside of the compulsions that held me for a long time. I haven't ever been able to engage in many intimate interactions with humans, I have them - they are scattered all over the world, but mostly I have always tried to fit in with the ones around me to please people. And over the past years when I broke free from their expectations and became more like who I really am, those people then did not want me anymore. Which isn't bad, it is a good beginning to build good, true and lasting connections that won't be toxic for me personally, but it also means that much time for me currently is spent reevaluating, and being in solitude, which is why I am so grateful for having come across this forum. Thanks for taking a moment of your time to read, I hope you can relate, maybe it made you smile of feel anything at all And in the end I do hope that perhaps you and I will meet, merry meet! And exchange thoughts, hopes and share fears and painful things and grow together. Blessed be, always
All your days And through all the night On twilight path and winding ones coming in And going out. Blessed, Blessed be!
Welcome! Blessed be.